Who will pick up your dead dog in Aberdeen, Scotland? Not me.

We're talking epic fail here.

According to my site stats, somebody googled who will pick up my dead dog aberdeen scotland, and was sent to me.

Yes, of course, that makes perfect sense.

To start with, whoever you are, I'm about as far from your dead dog as it is possible to get and still be on the same planet. I intend to maintain that separation.

Secondly, I like to think that while the poor creature was alive, you had some feeling for him or her. Can't you manage a decent burial yourself? This is your pet we're talking about! He/she probably loved you.

I'm guessing Google sent the query my way because I once did a post on Disposing of the body: a guide for world travellers, to which my friend Bill Kirton contributed, and he does live in Aberdeen, Scotland. However, I've never noticed a tendency in Bill to collect dead dogs, so you're still out of luck, whoever you are. Bill's hero, DCI Jack Carston, works just outside Aberdeen and will not be amused to hear of this.

Of course, now that I've written about it, probably everyone else in Aberdeen wanting to dispose of their dead dog will be sent to me.

Meh.