The teenager's guide to WW1

My teenage daughter's current assignment in her history class is to write a war correspondent report from the trenches of Gallipoli during WW1.  While I wouldn't normally stick into this blog anything that was both family and school, I can't resist her first draft;  I herewith give you a teenager's take on WW1:


We’re here in this stupid &#^#%@ bay and all about to die L except everyone’s trying to be all honourable and we’re just like meh. 

The Turks aren’t very good at aiming coz we’re all still alive.

I miss my teddy bear, and my nice warm bed.  Trenches are like SO unfashionable.

Day to day fighting includes the same routine as everywhere else: Aim, fire, shoot, duck.  Repeat.

If this telegram is sent you in error please do NOT (repeat NOT) serve it with broccoli.  It should instead be lightly stewed for best results add sugar.  Thankyou.

Love from

Falshywalshy Official War Idiot Correspondent who volunteered for this (that was dumb o.o)

PS.  Someone just died next to me.  I suspect oxygen suffocation from laughter.


Sarah W said...

I love it!

She certainly used her own attitude about this assignment to her advantage!

Gary Corby said...

The final was significantly different. I kept pleading with her to put this in as her answer but she wouldn't do it.

SolariC said...

This makes me think that your daughter is awesome :D

Nancy Kelley said...

Sheer genius. "Aim, fire, shoot, duck. Repeat." "The Turks aren't very good at aiming coz we're all still alive."

This is my new summary of life in WWI. Also, I agree--Trenches are definitely unfashionable.

Kirstie Olley said...

I would love to see how my friend (a history teacher) would have graded this. I'm definitely sending him a link.
Your daughter has a great sense of humour :D

Gary Corby said...

She is rather awesome, if I do say so myself. In the acknowledgments for Sacred Games I had this to say about her:

"Sometimes I open a manuscript file to find that Catriona has been reading through it, which I know because of the notes left behind in red, telling me what I did wrong, how to fix it, and with firm instructions on the fate of her favorite characters. More often than not, I take her advice."

Janet Reid said...

clause 13 in your author/agency agreement extends the agreement to all members of your family. Boy oh boy am I glad I inserted that!

Catriona sounds exactly like how I imagine your daughter would sound: hilarious and really really smart!

Anneke said...

Seriously, Catriona's take on what happened must have been close to reality. It was a cruel war, insane imagine being there yourself and you'll understand the madness.
I'm looking forward to Catriona's first novel and/or report.

Gary Corby said...

Hi Anneke!

I think we might have a little while to wait on that novel...first there're a few more years of homework to be done...but yes, that was an awful war.

The landing at Gallipoli gets studied in minute detail here at schools because it was fought by Australian and New Zealand troops (and hence is the basis for ANZAC Day; the local remembrance day)

Gary Corby said...

Clause 13...isn't that the one where I have to hand over my first-born? Just checking...yes, you're right.

jonhanna said...

I'm reminded of Dara O'Brien (Irish commedian who mostly works in the UK) talking of his then-teenage grandmother who during the War of Independence at one point had to hide in a ditch for 10 hours because some Black and Tans had stopped near were she was hiding while smuggling. It leads him to imagine a modern-day teenager in the same situation:

I am n a dtch. LOL.

Gary Corby said...

How very true.

May I take this opportunity to thank all the very fine people who comment on this blog, none of whom use text-speak. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.